Pimp Daddy Rod

HERE'S a word of advice: if you want attention from a girl, get a puppy.

I recently brought Roddick to the Michigan-Notre Dame pregame festivities, where it finally dawned on me that my puppy had magical powers to make girls scream, cry, smile, and hit the big O, usually all that the same time. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ann Arbor or the wildness of game day, WAKE UP, cause you're definitely missing out on life. Home games at the Big House always result in tens of thousands of people drinking from the crack of dawn until they enter the stadium, usually around noon or 3:30pm. What this ultimately translates to are a bunch of drunken freshmen who can't stand and mobs of girls dolled up in personalized maize and blue attire rolling from party to party looking for a good time.

Such large masses of girls have an uncanny ability to spot certain things: ex-boyfriends, the bathroom, the iPod so they can change the music to Britney Spears, and, as I have come to realize, puppies. Like the calm before the storm, you can feel them looking you up and down, eying the leash, then traveling down to a white fluff ball, at which point they will let out a banshee squeal and without a doubt ask, "CAN I PLEASE PET YOUR PUPPY?"

Case in point! Thanks for the picture Patty haha.

Now here's the tricky part, which is something I don't think anyone really thinks about when they assume with dog comes ass. Yes, my dog is a chick magnet, I get it. Yes, he can get the poon-tang to come, sure. But really, it's your job to get it to stay. You only get a 10-30 second window to make your move and get to know a girl --which is probably about the same amount of time at a bar-- before it's too late and she's making out with the guy next to you. Great practice for flirting on the spot, which, let's be honest, everyone could use a little more work in that department.

People have been congratulating me for getting such a chick magnet, even asking to borrow him to score some chicks. Now, before I start pimping out my own dog for everyone's libido booster, you also have to understand that the puppy isn't what will actually get the girl, it's you. Yeah, puppy = pimp, and pimp = cute girls (unless you're in Detroit, trick). However, cute girls + you with no personality = jack shit, so it can't be your only crutch. Much like guys who think that a nice car or designer clothes will buy happiness, they end up realizing that it's really about the person inside that people are interested in. I know, sappy dating advice, but it's true. The puppy is amazing for an ice breaker, but if you're expecting an instant hookup then you might as well just blow yourself, ya fool.

So, in closing, do I think my dog is a pimp? Yes. Has he been the reason for hookups? Maybe, but the last I checked she was with me while Roddick was in his cage, watching (creepy... another blog entry, perhaps??).

Now, before I go into crude jokes about "petting the puppy" and "playing fetch the ball(s)" I think I'll just leave you with a potential Halloween costume for Roddick this year: